Ugh

I've been dreading making a new post; not because I forgot about this thing but because I feel so down everytime I revisit it. I read my last few posts and I remember how happy I was. Now I look around and those happy feelings are all gone.

So it's summer now. I haven't done much of anything except sit around watching TV and sleeping on going online. Very pathetic. My mind has also been racing through some shit and I just don't feel comfortable in my own skin anymore. Blah!

To keep me sane, all I pretty much do all day is watch "The Game." It's this show on the CW which I just found out has been canceled. I hear they might bring it to TBS or BET but who knows. It's a good show though and I like it.

I don't really sleep anymore... I can't sleep because I'm back to being afraid of lying in bed alone with my thoughts...

Life kinda sucks but I love to suffer alone so...

BEST DAY IN A LONG WHILE!

WHOA it's been such a long time since I last posted. Spring Break was awesome! Being 19 is awesome! School keeps me busy (that's why I haven't been updating) and that is awesome!

Today, I have been the happiest I've ever been since being on my own. The elements were in my favor and I am so euphoric that sad memories can't deter my smile 8).
April 23, 2009
Started off my day with a Jumbo Jack--the breakfast of (WoW) Champions!
Took my chem 1B midterm and I breezed through it like Helium through a glass tube of heated Krypton ;D.
Came home and napped like nobody's business.
Woke up and my mom had bun thit nuong cha goi waiting for me.
Hung out with my bro Tiffariff and we visited my sistah William at *bux!
He took his break and then Billy and Peter Tran showed up and we just chilled and talked.
Went home and washed my car. Got all the tree sap and scratches off!
Checked my chem grade, I GOT THE HIGHEST SCORE! I SET THE CURVE! yay me!
VSA meeting was fun....
AND THEN THE FINALE: Henry, Peter, Dao, and I went out for pho. We had a great time just eating and joking around.

To top it all off, I didn't hit any traffic today. Smooth and clear driving all the way 8).

This may not sound like such a great day to you, but compared to how shitty things have been going, this day has been very enlightening. I hope this happiness is here to stay. I'm gonna chase this feeling.

Life is looking up :)

The only thing I could ask for is someone to share this joy with.

My Birthday!

Happy Birthday to me!

So I'm 19 now... but so what? I've been an "adult" for a year now. What did I learn? LIFE SUCKS

But you take the good with the bad and you grow from it.

Even though this day is all about me, I can't help but feel a little melancholy. I don't feel special. BOO HOO for David! LOL

Really though, I can't help but compare today to last year and how great I felt on my 18th birthday. I wish I could go back to a year ago. Or maybe that wouldn't have changed anything :\

mood swing!

I love you guys! Thanks for being there for me! I appreciate it ALL!!!

SPRING BREAK FAILURE

Fuck! So I was gonna ask that cute girl out to Starbucks after my final. (I had ridded myself of nerves and I thought of everything I wanted to say) I finished most of my essays early. It was 2:45 and I was like... I just might finish early. I can just relax and just enjoy the silence and prepare for the upcoming task. So I'm scribbling some mumbo-jumbo on my bluebook and I look up (she's sitting in front of me). She gets up and walks out the door and it's barely 3:00. I thought I was ahead of the game but apparently not! So now I'm completely at lost. I just BS the rest of the essay and I make up some cheesy conclusion. I just break outta there at 3:15 and I rush out the building. I look around but I already know she's long gone :(

I'm just like... aww man right now. Down but not defeated. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow? Maybe not.

Bitches

MMMM it's been so long since my last post!

February 24th... not that you care but that is a very special day to me. Two important things happened on that day, five years apart. Let's just say it was the beginning of something and the end of that same something. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that since then, I've been having trouble just trying to cope with things. It was easy at first, but things have been getting rough lately. I'm just trying to live my own life but... bitches, man.

Ugh so anyways, that girl I said I liked, I don't like her anymore. I stopped liking her after I came back from...

SACRAMENTO!! that's right, I went to Sacramento from Friday before last to Monday before last. How was it? Exhausting but very fun and exciting. I learned a lot of things and I met a lot of cool people. But most of all, I got to bond with my old friend Zoltek. Sacramento pretty much sucks so try to avoid that place at all cost.

Uhh after I came back, trying to get back into the swing of things was pretty hard. School is really sucking hard now and it feels like I've lost all motivation. Lately, I've been caring more about my social life lately. Before, I never had to worry about it because things were pretty stable but since college it's been hard trying to get back on my feet.

Since I got back and life kind of caught up with me, I've had a lot more time to think which is a dangerous thing. My mind always tends to drift in a certain direction towards a particular person. It's kind of hard to make yourself think a certain way. It's like lying to yourself. You convince yourself that if you lie long enough, you'll start believing it. I hope that one day I'll be able to have a change of heart and just go in another direction, but with the way things are going, who knows? This aching is gonna be the death of me 8(.

Sad songs don't help either. I would say FML but too many people have been saying it lately. It's annoying and overly used so it's no longer funny. It's just whiny when people say it now. So FUCK YOUR LIFE but mine just sucks.

Time for a poem I think. They usually help...

---

Her Voice

Her voice is sweeter than a bee's breath
and her sound waves tightly hug my ear
When she sings, everyone gets quieter than death
and on the phone she feels so near
I'm deaf to everyone when I hear her speak
Her breathing is like the gentle drops of rain
Hearing her laugh always makes me weak
I would give my ears to hear her say my name again
Everyone else just sounds like a squawking crow
and I'd rather listen to the songbird sing
Oh how miss hearing her song so
But there's a reason for everything
If I was ever given the choice
I wouldn't pick a thing over her voice

Bleh I really lost momentum near the end. But I really have an essay to do so... bye!

Obama's Address to Congress... coming up next on FOX

So for those of you who missed the President's speech, he basically said a lot of "we need to do this" and "I know we can do that." After a lot of favorable declarations, he provides a few anecdotes which evoked a little sympathy. Blah blah blah, same ol' Obama stuff. But the thing I found most interesting about is the reaction from the press and their "expert consultants."

I was watching it on channel 5 (KTLA) but as soon as it ended, I just flipped through the other channels. They all were just basically kissing his ass. But then I checked FOX (Ch. 11). The guy was just summarizing Obama's speech kind of like I did. But he was being neutral, he said it in the asshole-est voice ever. That's when I flipped to the FOX NEWS CHANNEL (Ch. 40). People were taking about his speech and criticizing his promises.

Wait wait wait... who's this fucker talking now? Republican Response? Bobby Jindal? HAHAHA I love the way this guy talks. He sounds like a stereotypical Republican. Noice... he's not putting down Democrats but he's putting down government in general. Very tactful Jindal.

Anyways, the republicans are always cutting down democrats in a mean way. For instance, they kept saying that Obama was begrudgingly blaming the deficit on the previous administration. All Obama said was "the deficit we inherited" which is like the nicest way you could say "a debt we didn't create." If he wanted to, he could have said something like it's the debt from republicans or something but he's just too nice about it. And they were criticizing Obama's new ideas and social programs even though the old ways aren't working.

Die-hard republicans are cunts. Not all of them, but at least the famous ones. They talk about liberal ideas with harsh words and they shoot down any opposing ideas. Elisabeth Hasselbeck is a bitch. Bill O'Reilly is a douche. Brit Hume is a troll. They won't budge an inch.

I don't have time to talk politics right now because I have a midterm to study for. But hit me up if you ever want to hear more.

My favorite quote of the night:
Obama: "Let me borrow your Sharpie for a second"
Fan: "It's yours, it's yours"
Obama: "No, I've got one in my pocket"

Lol it was like Obama was thinking "Nah, you suck-up bitch, I don't need your pen. I got my own. Yours sucks anyways. It's a Dullie."

Dropped my iPod 4 times this week and I'm SICK

Headline says it all. I'm so effing fatigued and I don't really have much else to report. My sinus congestion is ripping my eyeballs out through my nose. Ugh

I guess another thing to report is that I fell in like with a girl on Tuesday... but I don't think this is a good thing because she is off-limits. But she is cute and she is nice and cool and that is all I know for now. That is all I want to know because I'm not sure if I wanna get too close. Like I said, I can't have her (or at least I shouldn't) and I don't wanna end up hurt about it. You want a hint as to who she is? She has a goofy name! and she looks like D.W. from the children's program, Arthur. But I like her-- don't judge me I prolly won't be liking her for long.

I should be going to bed huh? I want to catch Conan's last late-night show so if my head isn't too dizzy by then, I'll see that before bed.

Have a good weekend, I'll be healing.

Thank you BRUCE LE! ...

... for opening my moh-fuzzing eyes!

Dude, you're smarter than you look and act. You're just too cocky about it so you end up sounded stupid. Bruce, if you read this, you should always give advice in the form of stories. It makes you seem more relatable and like you know your shit!

---

Poem Time!

Dude it always feels like I writing depressing "feel-sorry-for-me" poems. But I don't have much to be happy about... so what can I write a poem about? How about other people?

You Love Your Man

Ladies, don't act so proud
When you're surrounded by a crowd
Their staring is allowed
'Cause you're smiling too loud!

Even though frienemies wanna hate
'Cause know your feeling great
You've got yourself a date
And he's never running late

You're happy so you tell us
But it only makes us jealous
We can't blame you for being zealous
You've got one of the good fellas

Tell everyone you love your man
"He's tall, he's handsome, he's tan"
Never forget that no one's better than
The guy who can do it like no one can

FIERCE!

Oh No Not AGAIN!

Feeling crumby; I was playing ping pong last night with Peter and I ran to get the ball and I dislocated my patella again. This is like the 6th time it's happened and it's getting to the point where I don't even care anymore. My knees suck and they always give out on me for no good reason. I hate my legs. Every time this happens, it just reminds me how weak my body is.

8( I'm walking around with a limp; I look like one of the zombies from the Thriller video. I'll be out of commission for any physical activities for about 2 weeks.

Aside from the monster rain, it was a good day

Soooooooooo my alarm went off at 9:45 this morning and I turned it off. Then I fell back asleep and my great internal clock woke me up at 10:45. I had class at 11; so I just sat there for 10 minutes staring at the clock wondering if I should bother or not... I did bother but I didn't make it to class. I just studied for the midterm to come.

The midterm went horribly.

Tonight, I saw He's just not that into you. It was mildly predictable and cheesier than a box of cheez-its but it was so good. I don't know; maybe it's because things have been so crummy lately, but watching that movie made me feel really good. It was more than just a run-of-the-mill romcom. It was like insightful and engrossing and most of all it was real. I took a lot with me walking out of that theater. Like... sometimes you have to fool around with someone wrong to find out that you were with that right someone all along. That wasn't so eloquent; but basically, love doesn't always move in a straight line. Sometimes there are detours and u-turns.